Conflict Resolution Statement
Developed by Adam Eltouny, LPC
💡 How to Use This Tool
Work through each section sequentially. If you get stuck on something, see it through and don't give up! That friction is a wonderful sign because it highlights the exact area that needs more clarity and reflection. In just a few moments you'll break through, as each step flows seamlessly into your final generated statement.
Oftentimes, simply reflecting and processing a situation productively can be healing in and of itself. It is entirely possible that after this guided reflection, you will feel better right away before even saying a word to the other person!
🛡️ The Science of the "Escape Room"
The Expressor: SSS
Seated: Standing/pacing signals escalated arousal (flight mode). Sitting forces neurological grounding.
Speak Softly: High volume directly triggers the other person's amygdala (defense system).
Speak Slowly: Lowering your speaking pace keeps your prefrontal cortex online and regulated.
The Receiver: LUV
Listen: Stop preparing your defense; listen strictly to learn their reality.
Understand: Actively seek to understand their internal perspective and perception.
Validate: This is the "Safety Key" that signals to their brain they are no longer in a Boxing Ring.
What do you instinctively want to say? (Get the raw, unfiltered "Boxing Ring" urge out of your system here before the exercise).
1. C - Consequence (The Emotion)
Start with "I feel..." (Single emotion words only).
2. A - Activating Event (Neutral Sensory Input)
What objective data entered your brain? (Factual sensory input only).
3. B - Belief (Interpretation)
Because it made me think/believe...
Click any you don't know to see its definition in the running log below.
These are common interpersonal blind-spots that escalate or maintain conflict.
4. The Escape Room (Aspirational Flip)
Describe it exactly as a camera would record it happening right after the word "when". (Insight: If you don't know exactly what you want, how could your partner POSSIBLY know?)Bad Example: "...when you are nicer." | Good Example: "...when we sit on the couch for 10 minutes and talk without our phones."