Intentional Statement Generator
Developed by Adam Eltouny, LPC
A shared approach to conflict
“Treat conflicts as though you’re partners in an Escape Room, working together to resolve the situation rather than a Boxing Ring setting where you’re trying to win the fight.”
Adam Eltouny, LPC
Find the meaning. Name what matters. Leave with words you can use.
Educational guidance, not therapy or crisis support. Your answers are not sent or automatically saved by this tool.
Check What You Can Do
Check What Is True for You Right Now
One topic. Enough room to hear each other.
Conversation reminders · SSS & LUV
The Three SSSs
- Seated and Physically Grounded
- Speak Softly
- Speak Slowly
LUV
- Listen to Learn
- Understand Their Perspective
- Validate What You Genuinely Understand
Safety Comes First
If there are threats, intimidation, coercion, violence, or fear of retaliation, you do not owe anyone a joint conflict exercise. Move toward safety and appropriate individual support. In immediate danger, contact local emergency services. In the U.S., call 911 for an emergency.
Do not use turnarounds to explain away abuse or make yourself responsible for someone else’s harmful choices.
Make Room Before You Respond Breathing Guide and Time Out
A Gentle Physiological Sigh: Breathe in easily, add a small second inhale only if comfortable, then let the exhale take its time. You never need to fill or empty your lungs completely.
4 Seconds2 · Gentle Top Up
2 Seconds · Optional3 · Breathe Out
8 Seconds
Eight seconds to prepare before the circle begins. The timing is a comfort guide, not a prescribed dose. Breathe normally or stop if this feels uncomfortable, dizzying, breathless, or more distressing.
Breathing Research and Another Option
A trial examined five minutes daily for one month, not a guaranteed immediate reset during conflict (Balban et al., 2023).
Box Breathing: If familiar and comfortable, inhale for about four counts, pause, exhale for four, and pause. Shorten the count or skip holds if needed. You may also simply feel the support beneath you.
A 20 Minute Time Out
Pause safely. Agree on a return time when appropriate. The clock never decides when you are ready.
Twenty minutes is a practical default, not a proven reset time. Brief pauses were studied in a laboratory couples task (McCurry et al., 2024).
Reflect Their Meaning
Use what they shared. Your reply will show Understanding, invite correction, and ask what would help.
What Am I Feeling?
Name the Feeling You Noticed
Start with the Feeling you noticed. Use the words that fit your experience.
The Raw Urge Optional
This stays in your private reflection. You can leave it blank.
Use your own words. If an explanation slips in, we will help you keep it for the Belief step.
Keep Going. This May Belong in B.
Finish the thought first. It may be a Belief, and that does not make it untrue.
Laboratory research has examined Affect Labeling and Reappraisal. Naming an emotion is a reflection step, not proof that a specific interpretation is accurate (Burklund et al., 2014).
What Actually Reached My Senses?
Describe the Moment That Happened
Describe what you noticed, before deciding what it meant.
“I heard no reply after I asked twice.”
“You ignored me because I do not matter.”
Memory is recalled input, not independent verification. “We” describes a shared moment, not automatic agreement about its meaning.
What Meaning Did I Add?
Keep Your Thoughts. Choose What Weighs Most.
One event can bring up several thoughts. Keep them, then choose the one that weighs on you most.
Try Two People and One Action
For automatic turnarounds, try “You … me” or “I … you.” Write one thought at a time, as it came to you.
The action can be a whole phrase, such as “don’t have the space to love.” You can keep details like “right now” and phrases like “my needs.”
This is your private thought to explore. You will shape what you want to say later.
IT MADE ME THINK
Keep your own wording. The colors show what can switch; they do not decide whether your thought is true.
Keep their words where possible. Any inference remains a question for them.
A case about what “you” think can push your own Feeling, Value, or Need out of view. Keep your wording for now. The next step helps bring your experience back into focus.
This may assume their inner world. A question may help you check it. This is a suggestion; you can choose any Intention.
Notice a Pattern?
Before exploring this Thought, check which Patterns might fit. Suggested cards use your wording. Select what fits; you can continue without selecting anything.
These educational categories are reflection prompts, not diagnoses. Genuine mistreatment, unfairness, distress, or a correct prediction is not automatically a Cognitive Distortion. Keyword suggestions cannot establish truth.
Compare With Curiosity
Compare the Meanings With Curiosity
Find the most accurate perspective, not just the first one.
Could this be More True, Equally True, or Less True? Give each matchup a fair look. You never need to accept self blame or excuse harm.
My Most Accurate Synthesis
Your Most Accurate Synthesis brings what you learned into one explanation. Start with what you can be most certain of. Keep the meaning that is most accurate, rational, balanced, and least dependent on assumptions. Name what you still need to verify.
Example: “They do not care about me” might become “My need for attention was not met in that moment. That alone does not tell me how much they care about me.”
You are aiming for accuracy. You do not have to make it positive or excuse what happened.
Bring together the perspectives that fit what happened. Keep what is accurate, reasonable, and least charged.
What Supports This View? Optional
Turnarounds are possibilities to consider, never findings about who is right or responsible for harm.
What Would Help Now?
Name What You Want to Move Toward
You have made room for what happened. Now name what you want to move toward.
This becomes the opening of your statement.
What would honoring this Value look or sound like?
Describe what the better moment would mean to you. This is a hoped for meaning, not a claim about their hidden thoughts.
What Am I Asking For?
Choose the Next Step You Want to Ask For
Give your statement a clear next step.
The Belief Behind My Intention
These are communication stages, not a requirement to tolerate repeated harm. You may protect your safety immediately. A Boundary names your own action; it is not a threat or a demand for control.
Repair Without a “But”
Own your behavior. Ask about impact when you do not know it. Repair does not require immediate forgiveness.
Clarify What Would Help
Acknowledge meaning without pretending to agree. Your output checks Understanding and clarifies a workable next step.
Developed by Adam Eltouny, LPC · Wholeminds Wellness, LLC · wholemindswellness.com
Lead With What Matters
Your Words, Ready to Use
Your opening, built from what matters and where you want the conversation to go.
Printing uses your browser’s Print or Save as PDF dialog in this tab. Your private HTML copy includes your reflection; store it securely and choose carefully before sharing it.
